Mama OWL Blog: And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off... #InnerTruth

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off... #InnerTruth

Monday, 19 March 2012

For the past week I have been considering my options. I don't want to get hung up on losing weight and being skinny, because that isn't what I want. I don't want to be 'skinny'. I'm 5'10, there is only so much weight I can get away with losing before I start looking ill. I just want to be happy in my own skin and I know that for me, I need to lose another two stone before I will feel that. I was at that weight in 2007 and was content, so that is my goal.

I have people telling me I don't need to lose weight and I look fine and I honestly appreciate that they may not think I do, but ultimately it isn't about the number on the scale or how other people perceive me, it is how I feel within myself and right now I do not feel happy, or content when I look in the mirror. I also can FEEL it. I can feel myself carrying the extra weight and it is making me feel sluggish and heavy and I just want it off.

I feel better having made the decision on how to go about things and what to do. I have been feeling low, not just because of the weight but because I still am not allowed to exercise and I feel lazy and lethargic. On May 25th after my appointment with the Cardiologist I am hoping to be allowed to do something, and will start going swimming in the evenings again. I really enjoyed doing that before, as it was good exercise (in addition to the walk there and back) and it was 'me' time, just an hour doing laps in the pool by myself really cleared my head.

I was listening to Florence & The Machine's Shake It Out this weekend. I know the song was written about a hangover, but it felt quite apt to this situation. Like I have had one long life hangover and now it's time to shake it off and dance, to be happy and enjoy myself. So that is what I am going to do.


  1. At my heaviest I was 15 stone and now I am heading to 13.5.
    For my best I should be 10.5 stone so I still have 3 stone to lose and like you I can FEEL IT.

    I hope you get well soon sweetie, so you can "shake it out".

    Thanks for linking up



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