Having spent the day redoing everything I did yesterday, I felt compelled to write a letter to my children to get a few things off of my chest.
Let me start by reassuring you that I love you more than you will ever realise. As far as I am concerned, the sun rises and sets on all five of you, and I will always love, and care for, and be there for you for as long as I live. Or for at least as long as I remember who you are.
I'd like to let you know that the dishwasher doesn't load itself. After breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, those circular china things that you eat off of? They don't wash themselves and then crawl back into the cupboard. They require scraping and stacking in the dishwasher. Or, if you are looking for a clean bowl and have checked and found a clean one in the dishwasher - it is perfectly okay to empty the rest of the items out too, and put them where they belong ready for others to use. It's okay! I won't mind if you do that!
I understand that the bathroom is one area that might confuse you. It's where you clean yourself, therefore *it* must clean itself... Right?
The wet towels that you leave on the floor don't spring up and leap on to the hooks, or hang themselves over the bath, or indeed take themselves off to the laundry basket. This is not a Disney movie and I certainly ain't Mary Poppins. No no. They require human assistance to make it to their final destination. Towels are also unable to wash, dry, and fold themselves and return to the cupboard. If you happen across a pile of freshly washed towels on the landing outside the bathroom door waiting to be folded and put away, maybe you could try... I don't know, FOLDING THEM AND PUTTING THEM AWAY? Instead of stepping over them, or kicking them over, as you enter & exit the bathroom.
I also don't need proof that you've had a bath by way of leaving a ring of doom around the edge of the tub. Feel free to rinse it afterwards.
The plastic basket shaped objects in your bedrooms are laundry baskets. To clarify - they are baskets, where you put your laundry. So instead of screwing your clothes up into a crumpled mess and stuffing them down the side of your bed/under the bed/under your pillow/on the floor/on the bathroom floor/on your desk/anywhere except the laundry basket - perhaps consider putting them in the laundry basket. Give a try, you might enjoy it.
Before waking me/standing outside the bathroom door shouting MUM! MUM! MUM! (I can hear you, FYI, I'm just ignoring you - you know, that thing you do when I ask you to do something)/calling me to ask where something is, there's a tactic I often employ when needing to find something.
It's called looking for it.
For example, if it's a t-shirt you asked me to wash... Perhaps try the airer or the tumble dryer, or maybe even a drawer in your room. I can assure you that whatever it is, I'm not carrying it around with me waiting for you to need it. Also, I don't know if you have noticed but the tall, hairy man that hangs around the house from time to time? Drives you around? That's your Dad, he's equipped with eyes and hands and can also look for things - if I'm asleep/in the bathroom/on the phone/not at home then if you ask Dad, he might be able to help. It's worth a shot.
And finally -
I'm not doing your bloody homework for you. I already did my time, and I didn't even have Google.